some say i'm blue (open)

It wasn't that he wanted to be alone on his last train ride to Hogwarts, but he preferred to get into a compartment before the platform got too crowded. This gave him an opportunity to make some (very) last minute adjustments to his summer homework, and get him ready to face the Prefect's carriage later...

Urgh.

Fifth and sixth year he had been proud to be in the Prefect's carriage. Last year, with Cherry and Louis, they had been spoiled by their easy-going friendliness. Now they had Lakelyn, who was wonderful, and Burke, who was her polar opposite. Just to put icing on the cake, Amara now definitely saw him as pathetic... crawling along the floor like a weakling while Ashton bruised Burke's face.

That definitely should have been him bruising his face...

He really hoped he wasn't alone for the entire journey. Being alone with these kinds of worrisome thoughts was painful.

Sierra always hated saying goodbye to her family when it was time to head back to school, even if she always looked forward to going back. It was such a strange conundrum but much the same one that she experienced at the end of the year when she left school as well. Though, it seemed that this year was going to be eventful because already since she had stepped onto the train she had somehow managed to lose track of her new kitten she had gotten just the week before. "Laurel! Where have you gotten off to?" She said as she looked through the train for any sign of the kitten.

She thought she saw her slip into a compartment and hurried after her, managing to bump into someone on the way as she tried not to lose track of the kitten again. Though, the impact caused her to drop the bag she had been carrying, causing parchment and quills and snacks to fall from the opening. "Oh no! I'm sorry." She said to whomever she had bumped into before trying to gather up her things.

@Jerome Estrada

Perhaps the best thing for him to do was concentrate on perfecting his homework, so he stood up and reached up to the luggage racks to pick out a few books. He'd heard someone in the corridor calling out for Laurel, but wasn't expecting them to smack right into his slightly exposed stomach as he reached higher into his bags.

The collision was so unexpected, he almost felt winded. Ready to meet this troublemaker with a glare and a lecture of how they shouldn't be running on the train, he paused when he saw who it was. A very sweet-looking blonde girl he recognised as being from the year below. She had one of those faces you couldn't possibly be angry at.

"It's okay," he said, dropping at once to help her collect everything, "Are you all right? You're not usually one to be running around like that. You could've hurt yourself."

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra couldn't believe her luck! Had she done something to turn all luck against her? It did seem that way as she collided with someone and had all of her things flying across the area. She hurried to try to pick things up before someone stepped on them or the parchment blew away or something. That was when she realized Jerome was helping her. She offered him a small smile as she shoved things unceremoniously into her bag. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just got a kitten last week to bring with me and she was riding in my bag but she jumped out. I was trying to catch her." She explained. And just like that, the kitten made her appearance with a cute little mew. Sierra snatched her up and held her to her gently. "There you are, you naughty kitty." She said as she rubbed her cheek against the kitten's soft fur.

@Jerome Estrada

"I could help you look for her if you--"

He turned to the sweet mewling of the kitten, and felt his heart melting. Just a fraction.

"Awwh," he found himself saying, all smiles at the little thing. "Maybe you just need to get into a compartment and shut the door, so she can explore freely, but not get out of sight. You can stay in this one, if you like. There's plenty of room."

He was hoping she would say yes or be too polite to refuse: either way, he'd be glad of the company.

"I got a similar looking kitten for my friend," he explained to her, sitting down, "It's a bit of a late birthday present for her, but we didn't really see much of each other towards the end of the holidays, and I still don't know if I should give it to her when he comes. Anyway - I was going to meet up with someone from the menagerie in Hogsmeade this weekend - the kitten was a bit too young for them to hand over before school started."

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra smiled a bit when he offered her help, shoving the last of her things into her bag and then standing once more until the kitten made her appearance once again. She was snuggling the cute little kitten as he offered the compartment he was in. She glanced around, realizing it was just the two of them and thought of how horribly boring it would have been to ride to school all alone! "Thank you, Jerome. I would love to ride here if you're sure you don't mind." She was too kind, too sweet to force her company on anyone. But he had offered, hadn't he?

She closed the door to the compartment, hoping that no one else would open it then released the kitten to let her wander around the small space as she wanted. It was a good idea as the kitten started pouncing on things that Sierra couldn't actually see but it brought a smile to her face nonetheless as she sat down near Jerome. "That is so sweet of you! I'm sure that she will love it." Of course, she had no idea who the friend was or whether she would actually like the gift but who wouldn't love a fluffy little kitten? "Why wouldn't you give it to her?" She tilted her head slightly, not sure why he would decide not to when he had already obviously gone to a lot of trouble.

@Jerome Estrada

He chuckled. "I'm sure."

Sierra was the sort of girl he should be pining after, he thought, as she told him how sweet he was. But he wasn't. Instead, he was in pursuit of a girl who was completely unobtainable for a number of different reasons: the main being that she was engaged to be married. They shared some traits but used them in different ways, they had completely different ideas, values, interests...

"I don't know - do you think it might be a bit too much?" he asked her quietly, "Getting a present like that seems something a closer friend would get, and we haven't really been friends that long. We've known each other since first-year, I suppose, but we haven't always got along."

He gave a short sigh.

"I always thought if she didn't want him, or I went against the idea, I could keep him. But the idea was to give Amara something she could be responsible for. It might really benefit her."

He hadn't realised that he'd just uttered her name there.

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra settled into her seat when he confirmed that he really wouldn't mind the company, a soft smile on her lips as she watched the little kitten play with some string or something that she had found on the floor of the compartment. She chewed at her bottom lip a bit, thinking of an answer to his question. "I don't think it would be too much. I mean, it doesn't matter how long you've been friends. Some people just hit it off quickly. Or rather, they maybe realize what they've been missing out on when they see they really do have something in common with others." She said with a shrug. Sierra didn't think you had to be lifelong friends in order to be close. Maybe that was just her though?

"Amara Jordan?" She asked, a bit surprised to hear who his friend was. She had never pictured the two of them being friends! Then again, she didn't know either of them all that well. She knew Amara a little better than she did Jerome since their families knew each other but she still wouldn't say they were best friends or anything. "I think she'd love it." She said with a small smile. Sure, the other girl always seemed like just some party girl but Sierra believed that she had a good heart deep down.

@Jerome Estrada

So he had said her name. He flushed slightly, cursing himself inside his head. Then again, what did it matter? Sierra wasn't the type to immediately go off and gossip.

"Do you think so...?" he murmured sheepishly.

It would be nice to get her something she liked, or loved as Sierra put it. But should be really be doing that anyway? Wasn't his affections being made far too obvious lately? Ashton knew exactly what he was doing, and he was annoyed about it. Jerome had to think that if he were in Ashton's shoes, as Amara's boyfriend, wouldn't he be annoyed by the same thing? Another boy trying to steal her away?

He was conflicted by being extraordinarily attracted to her, and deeply ashamed of himself for it.

"Have you named your kitten yet?" he asked, watching the kitten instead. It was far nicer to watch instead of constantly brooding.

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra nodded her head, she really did think that Amara would love it! "I don't know her all that well but she seems like she has a good heart and who wouldn't love a cute little kitten from a good friend?" She said with a smile. Of course, she had no idea that it was really Jerome's way of trying to win Amara's affections. She saw took things at face value, if Jerome said she got the kitten because they were friends then Sierra thought no more of it. She did think it was adorable how nervous Jerome seemed about it, though. She had never really talked to Jerome that much before but he was really sweet, she realized. Amara was lucky to have him as a friend.

Looking down at the kitten, she smiled even more. "I've been calling her Laurel." She said before laughing a bit. "I only hope that I can do much better with a kitten than I can any sort of plants despite naming her after one." It was a major downfall of hers, despite her father's penchant for herbology, she was completely rubbish at it. She couldn't even keep a simple house plant alive no matter what she did. She just hoped a pet would be much different! It wasn't like she didn't try, she just didn't have a green thumb at all.

@Jerome Estrada

"Oh - that makes sense. That was you calling her name in the corridor."

Doi.

He smiled as the kitten drew close, and untied the shoelaces of his battered old canvas trainers. Unthreading it completely, he lied on his stomach over the seat and smiled wider at Laurel, using his shoelace as a toy for her to swipe and play with.

"You'll do fantastic, I'm sure. You can tell she already likes you," Jerome said, watching Laurel play.

After a moment of quiet, he said: "She does have a good heart, you know. Amara. A lot of people judge her on face value, but she really does have a warmth and kindness to her."

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra watched Jerome as he took his shoe string out of his shoe and began to play with the kitten. Why had she never realized that he was actually rather attractive? She bit her bottom lip a bit, watching the two of them. He was both sweet and attractive, how was he not dating anyone at this point? It didn't make sense to her! Though, she also didn't know about his infatuation with the girl he called his friend. "She's always been nice to me, even if we didn't run in the same crowds." She said in way of agreement. She wasn't sure why he seemed to think he had to defend Amara, probably because most only saw the side of her that she wanted them to see, the party girl who just didn't care. "It's really sweet of you, you know. She's lucky to have a friend like you." She could tell that he would defend her from anyone who might speak badly about her. She would love to be able to call him her friend or maybe even more. She blushed at the thought and was glad he seemed to be focused on the kitten more so than on her.

@Jerome Estrada

"That's good, although I doubt anyone could be unkind to you. You have one of those personalities that others are drawn to. Good listener, easy-going, kind. You know."

Laurel seemed to have lost interest in his shoelace for a moment, so he'd tied it to the arm rest on the far side and left it dangling. If she wanted to play with it some more through the journey, it was there.

Jerome chuckled, looking over his shoulder at her.

"See what I mean?"

He appreciated her compliments all the same. Turning onto his back but still lying down, he pulled his homework up in front of his eyes. "The thing is - I don't know if she does consider me as a friend. I have caused a lot of trouble for her lately. Between her and her boyfriend, or fiancé, whatever," he added bitterly, "Not intentionally. I just can't help--"

He stopped himself from saying it.

"--nevermind."

@Sierra Longbottom

A blush painted Sierra's cheeks when he complimented her. "You'd be surprised. I think sometimes that's exactly why some people can be so horrible." She tried not to take it personally when one pureblood or another decided to bully her because she was an easy target. She couldn't bring herself to stand up to them, to say a cross word to any of them. She would rather just take their bullying and be happy knowing that if they were bullying her that they weren't bullying someone else. She smiled at him. "I'm just telling the truth. Some people never find such a good friend." She said, still smiling towards him.

She couldn't help but to watch him as he lay back on the bench with some sort of book or something, probably his summer homework. She chewed at her bottom lip when he sounded so insecure about their friendship. "I saw that video that was sent out... The one with their big fight, when he asked her to marry him. She defended you against him, against what he said to you." She paused. "I know I shouldn't have watched it. It was a private thing but I just couldn't help it." She ran her hand through her hair. "I don't think she would have gone to the trouble if she didn't think of you as a friend."

@Jerome Estrada

Jerome flopped the paper down by his side and watched her as she spoke about the video. Although he was determined not to watch it, and had consequently lost it anyway to rid himself from temptation, he was always interested when it was brought up in conversation. It wasn't the first time he was told she had defended him. It gave him a nice, warm feeling to think she cared in that sense.

"Hmm... perhaps..."

Sierra was very convincing.

"Do you still have that video? On your crystal? I removed it..."

Perhaps he was finally going to break his own code. He couldn't stand hypocrisy, and in watching it he would definitely be a hypocrite, but he couldn't help wanting to scrutinise it for himself. He wanted to make his own mind up about it, not listen through the opinions of everyone else.

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra couldn't help but watch him as he placed his papers aside, then he looked at her and she blushed a bit as his eyes met hers for just a second before she looked away quickly.

"I never actually delete my messages. I think I have some from when I first got my crystal." She said as she fished the crystal out of her pocket to go through it. "You never watched it?" Of course, he wouldn't. He was a good friend and probably wouldn't have fed into such things... But now he was asking her if he could see it. She scrolled through her messages until she came upon the anonymous group text and held it out to him so that he could tap on the video himself and watch it.

@Jerome Estrada

Reluctantly, he indicated for the crystal to play back. After a short while, he got the idea and stopped the remainder of it: mostly the slushy sort of stuff that seemed irrelevant to him.

"I don't understand what she sees in him. Except for embracing her vices, I don't."

He said it before he'd even realised. It was very obvious, by his body language and discomfort, that he felt more towards Amara than mere friendship.

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra chewed on her bottom lip a bit. She had thought that Jerome was just a very good friend to Amara but after hearing what he had to say and seeing his reaction to the video she was beginning to think that there was so much more going on. "I don't understand it either. He doesn't seem like the settling down type either so I am surprised they went this far..." She hated to say anything negative about anyone or their relationships but she wanted to let Jerome know that she was with him. He wasn't the only one who thought it seemed like a strange thing to have happened... She took her crystal and put it back into her pocket then.

@Jerome Estrada

Jerome looked at her, surprised. Could it be that he wasn't alone in his take on it? Of course, he hated that they were talking about Amara behind her back, but he realised that he did it quite a lot...

He sat upright.

"That's precisely how I feel about it," he admitted quietly, sighing as he pushed his hair off his face distractedly. "Whenever I bring up the subject, she seems to dance around it a bit. She says that she loves him, though. I know couples can argue, and it's perfectly normal, but to accept a marriage proposal at the tail end of an argument seems... strange."

He looked at her warily.

"Sorry for banging on..."

@Sierra Longbottom

"It does seem strange... Especially after he was so cold to her during the fight. It was like he didn't really care about her at all or the fact that he made her cry." She frowned. She didn't like talking about people but she couldn't help but be perplexed at Amara and Ashton's situation. Then he was apologizing and she offered him a small smile as she reached out and placed her hand reassuringly on his arm. "No, it's okay. I get it. I don't mind... If you ever need to just get something off your chest, I'm a good listener."' She said. People had told her as much often enough. And she knew that sometimes people just needed to talk. She hoped maybe he could trust her enough to talk to her if he needed someone.

@Jerome Estrada

She was good at articulating his own thoughts, as he hadn't really been able to process how he felt in words before. Did Sierra realise that he felt more than friendship towards Amara, or was she trying to ignore it, or did she genuinely support him? It was difficult to tell. Perhaps she was completely oblivious still, and that wouldn't be such a stretch. It wasn't as though he'd directly said it.

He came back down to earth when her hand was on his arm.

"Thanks, Sierra..."

She really was sweet and comforting. Perhaps he felt too comfortable, as he took her up on her offer almost immediately: "You shouldn't be too sympathetic, though. I have... feelings for Amara. More than just friendship. And I know that I shouldn't - but I do. I've tried to ignore them, and deny them, or make up some other excuse for it - try and convince myself it's just me wanting to be her friend. But it isn't, and sometimes I hate myself for it..."

It was the first time he'd said it out loud, so explicitly. Even to James, it was still garbled with other things. It didn't feel good to get off his chest, though. It just felt as though it was finally real.

@Sierra Longbottom

There was a part of Sierra that was pleasantly surprised to hear him say her name. A part of her had wondered if he even knew what it was. It wasn't like they had been friends before or anything. Maybe it was a silly thing to be happy about. Imagine, being so giddy just because a boy knew your name. But she couldn't help it. She smiled over to him. "Anytime. Seriously." She meant it. She didn't mind listening if he needed someone to talk to.

"I know." She said sympathetically. It was obvious enough to her with the way he talked about her that he liked her a lot. Maybe she hadn't known the full extent of his feelings for the other girl but she could tell there was something there. It wasn't like he had really been hiding it since they had been alone in this compartment. She sighed as the kitten finally tired and jumped up into her lap for a nap. "You can't help who you have feelings for. Those things just kind of happen. You shouldn't hate yourself for it." She did feel bad for him in a way, knowing that he was pining away for a girl who was engaged. It was a sad situation but something in her told her that he wouldn't want her pity. "And just because you have those feelings doesn't mean you can't be her friend. I would think she would need friends at a time like this. There's a lot going on for her and I never really see her hanging out with anyone unless she's drunk or something. It's like she doesn't really let anyone get too close or something unless she's under some sort of influence." Yes, Sierra studied people. She couldn't help it. She wasn't the type of person who drew attention to herself so she often spent time being ignored, which gave her plenty of time to observe others. "I don't know if that even makes sense, our families know each other, from their time in school, you know. So I've spent some time with her but even though she's nice it's like she's always keeping people at arm's length unless she's being over the top friendly but I don't think that's the real her either..." She frowned a bit, she probably wasn't making sense but she felt for Amara and she didn't want her to lose a friend.

@Jerome Estrada

At first he was shifting around uncomfortably, trying to disguise his blushed cheeks by turning away to cough and pretending to be interested with the countryside flying by, but after a while he was calming down. He had caught on about Amara shielding her true feelings, but that was after six years of knowing her: Sierra, who admitted to not knowing her very well, had detected it faster. There were even some things she said that he hadn't considered before, but felt were very true.

"That's exactly it. It seems like she's a completely open book, but then you realise how closed off she really is. Part of me just wants to see it all: how she really feels, even if she's screaming it at me. The excessive drinking and smoking and what have you is just a comfort blanket she's found and is too scared to take away, thinking she'll be exposed."

He sighed. Amara was wonderfully complicated.

"Maybe I'll always want to be more than just her friend, but if friendship really is the only thing I can give to her - it's better that than going back to how things were between us. I just want her to be happy."

He smiled weakly at Sierra. "In a way, caring about her has made me open up more as well. I feel like I've made more friends in the past few months than I ever have done before. It's nice..." His smile strengthened slightly. "And now you're another."

@Sierra Longbottom

Sierra hated that he seemed so uncomfortable. She wished there was some way that she could make him feel better, to feel more comfortable but she didn't know how. So, she instead just stayed quiet and let him pull himself together as she stroked the now sleeping kitten. She wouldn't push him or ask him to open up to her any more than he had already done. But when he did finally look back to the window to her, she could tell that he truly meant every word he said. He cared about Amara a lot. "It makes you kind of wonder why she feels like she can't just be herself..." Sierra had wondered this plenty of times when she had come into contact with Amara.

She smiled. "I'll say it again, she's a lucky girl." To have someone who cared so much for her despite everything they might have been through. And Sierra had a feeling it was more than just him having a crush on her. Jerome seemed like he was deeper than that. He wouldn't like someone because of their appearance or because they projected this image, he liked her for who she was. It saddened her that that was all complicated for him. And maybe it was just because she didn't really know Ashton, she wasn't sure.

A bright smile came to her lips. "I'm glad she has had that effect on you then." She said, touched by the fact that he now considered her a friend and incredibly happy to be considered as such as well. "Give her the kitten. She'll love it." She reiterated, hoping that she was right.

@Jerome Estrada