the imperishable night (james)

The incident at the dance was still playing on everyone's minds, but attempts to speak with James Potter by the faculty had been met with a bitter end: he was purposefully avoiding everyone, to the extent that he hadn't been seen in Gryffindor quarters since then. Lochlan had questioned some of his other family members about his whereabouts, but they didn't seem to know any more than he did. At long last, he seemed to get somewhere with Louis Weasley. The boy had told him that he had been staying in the Head Boy's dormitory, and Louis had returned to the seventh year Hufflepuff one for the time being.

He'd also told him that he was worried. That was likely why the boy disclosed the information to him.

That evening it was a Sunday. The Friday was the date of the dance. Lochlan was rapping lightly on the door of the Head Boy's dormitory, waiting to see if a response would come.

"James, are you in there? It's Professor Riddle. I'd like to speak with you." Gentle, but still with an edge of authority behind it: he didn't want James to think this was up for negotiation. They were going to talk.

@James Potter

James was sitting at the desk located in the dorm trying to attempt some form of napping; since the night of the dance, he felt incapable of sleeping. What if his every move was being watched? What if the whole school was waiting for something else to use against him? He had grown sick and tired of the school he found himself enjoying being in not that long ago. All thanks to one little crush, it felt as if he lost everything. Knowing he was going to become a father meant his youth was going to be long past him before he knew it; he wasn't even of age yet, and he felt sick at the thought of losing all of his freedom.

Then there was a knock at the door. Who could it be? That ended up being answered not long after. How did Professor Riddle figure out one of his hiding places?! There was only one copy of the Marauder's Map in existence, and it was literally in his jacket! Forcing himself out of the chair, he rubbed his eyes and answered the door figuring he wouldn't be able to get out of talking to the deputy headmaster.

"About what?" There was an irritation in his voice from layers and layers of growing crankiness.

@Lochlan Riddle

He smiled at him as he emerged from the other side of the door.

"Aha. So here you are, then."

Lochlan brushed past him lightly, inviting himself into the quarters. His eyes edged about the place.

"A good place for a hiding spot, but I am afraid your cousin is a bit too honest," he was saying this while considering one of the paintings on the wall. "Hmm. They didn't have this when I was Head Boy. What a shame."

He turned to look at James.

"Why is it that you are hiding here, exactly?"

@James Potter

Shutting the door behind him, James was worried he was going to slump against it and crash. Not the greatest of spots to potentially fall asleep at; he was going to have to go to the gym or fly for a bit later to get some energy going.

"'Cause I can't stand havin' everyone gawk at me. I never get any privacy 'round 'ere!"

That was putting it shortly; he was trying to make an effort to not swear seeing as this was one of his professors and not Fred or one of his other relatives.

"Fuckin' wish I wasn't born a Potter some days."

So much for that attempt.

@Lochlan Riddle

"Fair enough," he said reasonably, nodding. "Perfectly plausible. You have every right to feel that way."

Professor Riddle took a seat in the living area, and again took in some of the scenery. He saw there was a tea set, so he charmed the water to boil with a simple wave of his wand and had everything prepared in minutes. Cups and saucers flew around and assembled into two places: Lochlan's spot, and the place opposite Lochlan. He thought that would indicate to James that he was welcome to sit down and have a drink.

"Yes, you were born a Potter. That is a small fraction of your identity, I suppose," he mused, blowing the steam away, "But there are the roots and there are the routes. Which path you take is up to the individual. I could have easily turned to my Grandfather's ideals, but I chose against it."

@James Potter

Seeing the tea being prepared, James took the unoccupied seat just so he was away from the door. At least one professor, other than Reed, was willing to hear him out on his frustrations being the Potter heir; he couldn't comprehend how Lily loved being a Potter so much except for the fact that being the youngest gives her far more leeway in expectations. Resting his cheek on the palm of his hand, he set his arms on the table so he wouldn't immediately slouch over. He didn't want to come off as disrespectful or anything of that sort; it would just damage whatever was left of his reputation.

"I don't wanna be anythin' like my dad. The Ministry bores me, and I don't wanna make money playin' quidditch like mum 'cause it's what everyone expects. I dunno what I wanna do, really..."

Although it was still early in the term, James knew that seventh year would be approaching soon enough, and everyone would be waiting to find out what his next move was.

"I struggled acceptin' who I am 'cause it's not what everyone expected..."

He sniffled as he reached for a nearby tissue to dab his eyes with.

@Lochlan Riddle

Lochlan observed him with a faint smile, nodding slowly as he listened. This was exactly why James was the sort of boy he could have at his side: he was still impressionable, but hated everything that was imposed on him. A short way of putting it was that he was looking for something: an answer.

"Let me tell you something that I shouldn't say to you," he said, seeing that James was becoming emotional but keeping his tone just the same: gentle, understanding, a Father figure. "I shouldn't say it to you because I should be sugar coating it like you would do to a child. But you are not a child. Not anymore."

"There will always be that expectation from people. You will never escape it. You will never please everyone. Others will always be critical of you, no matter what you do. Even if you did go to the Ministry, or were to become a Quidditch Player, it will always be there. But something miraculous has happened to you," he went on, smiling, "You are going to become a Father. And what a miracle that truly is."

"Think of how you would want your child to grow up like. Loved, sheltered, free from the pressure of expectation: to have the things that you felt you couldn't have from your own parents. And that love of being a Father is the most powerful magic in this world: unconditional love. With that power, you really don't need anything else. Your life is their life, and you live through them, seeing yourself become a better person in the process. Better than what your parents were."

@James Potter

As he tried to stifle his tears as all sorts of emotions ran through him, something clicked about his impending fatherhood. James listened attentively as Professor Riddle spoke about how miraculous being a father is; maybe this was his chance to right the wrongs of his upbringing and break the publicity cycle. After all, Harry, too, was famous since infancy. He could ensure his child would have a choice about being in the spotlight!

He felt a warmth thinking about how he could make sure his child was their own person; there'd be none of that namesake business. There'd be more of an effort to block any publication related to the child. He could raise the child more in the muggle world where there'd be less prying eyes. The possibilities were more endless than he realized!

"I-I do want to be in my kid's life..."

Even if he wasn't sure of how involved he could be, James knew he wanted to make some sort of effort. After all, it was half of his life and blood. How horrible would it be if his child didn't know him at all?

"But everyone thinks I'm gonna be a deadbeat or somethin'. Whenever I'm serious, I'm never taken seriously. They think I'm all jokes, all the time. It's frustratin'."

He didn't want to destroy his child's life by not being there...

@Lochlan Riddle

"A very noble feat for a Father so young. Or, for a Father at all, really. Even if this was something planned, or you were married, I can guarantee that nothing prepares you."

He smiled idly at him.

"Remember what I said. People will always think what they want to think, and you can never please them. But you can certainly please yourself once you start to accept that."

He sipped his tea quietly.

"Throwing caution to the wind is harder than it seems," he mused, chuckling a little. "But you have much greater things to concern yourself with right now. And I can certainly help you."

@James Potter

He felt more at ease than he did just minutes ago; he was going to be a father, and that needed to be his greatest priority. If he was lucky, maybe things with Lien would work out. It was difficult to tell though as he was quite sure Lien now hated him since he was dragged into all this drama. If not, then he would have to move on with time. It hurt thinking that he'd have to do that.

"I left the, y'know, to grab books from the library 'bout it. It was my best chance to read up on it without people buggin' me."

That ended up being for nothing as he ended up blurting it out of pure anger and frustration from Ptolemy's verbal provocations. The bandaid was completely ripped and the wound still oozed.

"I know I'm gonna have to catch up on assignments dependin' on how much longer I'm like this..."

He wasn't sure how long he'd be missing in action. There was a lot he had to process and the sooner his peers focused on something else, the better.

"I need whatever help I can get."

@Lochlan Riddle

"Yes, you will have to," he said firmly, putting on a teacher voice for a brief moment. Assignments and playing catch up would have to be something he did on his own, but perhaps he would actually want to do them with a little encouragement.

"I can show you some magic that may be useful to your endeavours. It could protect you, and those you want to protect, from unwanted attention. It's not something we usually teach at Hogwarts, but I think you're more than ready to benefit from learning it."

He leant back in the chair after finishing his tea, looking across at James.

"Tell me what your opinion of Dark Magic is."

@James Potter

Magic not taught at Hogwarts? That was more enough to capture his attention. He figured there was a lot hidden from students with how stacked the Forbidden Section of the library was from all of his glimpses over the years. He adjusted his posture to show he was, in fact, paying plenty of attention to what Professor Riddle was saying.

Dark magic?

"My, er, family is against it, y'know. Wouldn't be able to discuss somethin' more, eh, nuanced 'bout it without one of 'em throwin' a fit. What's the difference between light and dark anyway? Feelins'?"

@Lochlan Riddle

"I'm not asking what they think about it. I'm asking what you think about it."

He considered what he said about feelings, and understood where he was coming from.

"Intentions, more than feelings. Magic that is considered dark is usually offensive in some way. You won't use dark magic to heal a wound, you would use it as a preventative measure against wounds. Amongst other things."

He smiled slightly.

"But light magic isn't ultimately good, and dark magic isn't ultimately bad. It's just that a lot of wizards tend to think that way."

@James Potter

"Guess I'm just used to not tryin' to go against the grain 'ere."

Merlin, he could only imagine the tantrum Fred would be throwing right now if he knew of the conversation between him and Professor Riddle. It was hard to form his own opinion on some issues when his family was expected to be a monolith.

James nodded saying, "Hm, makes sense. 'Cause ye could prolly use a simple levitation charm to kill someone."

@Lochlan Riddle

"Maybe you could get used to it."

He would prefer that he did.

"Yes, certainly. And you could use the Imperius Curse to prevent someone from making a fatal decision. Although, as you know, that curse is illegal."

And probably his favourite spell of all time.

"Then you will meet with me, and I can show you some very interesting corners of magic. The corners that the standard curriculum doesn't want you to see."

@James Potter

Huh, he never realized the Imperius Curse could have such a benign use. Following that logic, the Killing Curse could be used to, say, mercy kill an injured creature instead of resorting to more violent methods.

"Why're they considered unforgivable in the first place? With the killin' curse, at least ye can get the homicide argument outta it... But ye can kill with blasting curses!"

It would be nice to know more facets of magic than what he had been exposed to even if he wasn't that particularly ambitious. Maybe it could impress Lien! "What're some of the most interestin' ones in the Restricted Section ye can think of?"

@Lochlan Riddle

"Good, James. Those are the sorts of questions I want to hear you asking."

He smiled at him.

"Unforgivable, as they are most commonly used for malicious intentions. However, that isn't always the case. There have been times where Wizards have ended up in Azkaban fortress for using one of the spells without much of a trial. This is back when the dementors used to guard it, too."

Ah, good. An opportunity for some reading material before their lessons.

"I would like for you to read The Enchanted Forest, although you cannot physically touch the book itself. Wear your dragon hide gloves. The pages are made from the trees that once animated the forest it speaks of, but it also tells of the magic required to achieve the enchantment." Lochlan smiles at him. "It sounds rather pleasant, but it's considered dark magic. The trees can take a mind of their own when subjected to the curse for too long. Still - it is truly fascinating magic."

He took a small sheet of parchment from his pocket, and scribbled on it. Then he handed it to James.

"Show this to the librarian, so you're not upsetting her by going in the restricted section."

@James Potter

"Y'mean there have been unfair trials when 'Arry was my age and before then?"

Damn, the government was more corrupt than he realized; the rabbit hole had to be deeper than he realized. James scratched his head as he wrapped his head around the implications of those trials. How many long-time prisoners been imprisoned under false pretenses?

Lightly grabbing the permission slip, he gave it a quick glance then promptly stuck it in one of his jacket pockets to not forget it.

"That does sound fascinatin'. Besides the obvious illegal stuff, why is 'ere a restricted section? I dunno why it'd be good to squash curiosities, y'know? Maybe I woulda done better if it wasn't the same kind o' spells my 'rents learned..."

After all, he never fully applied himself as he couldn't see the point to when it was the same old stuff in the core classes.

@Lochlan Riddle

"Mm," he said, nodding. It was important that he knew of these injustices.

He was delighted that James appeared to be perkier than when he'd first entered the room. This was exactly what he'd wanted from him. It was almost... too easy. Or perhaps this had really been the right moment to spring it upon him.

"The Restricted Section was originally where the founders stored their most protected tomes, and a lot of those enchantments have continued after the founders' passing. Some of them are cursed to never be removed, or certain death will occur. As time has gone on, the section of the library exists mostly for the sake of the Professors - as we are, in fact, Professors of our field. We're scholarly types, you see."

He chuckled.

"But there have been trusted, serious students who have been granted permission to enter over the years." His Grandfather had been one of them. He wasn't going to tell James about that right now though.

@James Potter

James was well aware that Harry definitely did not receive permission to access that area of the library except for the Triwizard Tournament; he felt special for being considered among the esteemed without some sort of event occurring at school.

"I know there wasn't anythin' 'bout horcruxes in 'ere. Don't think anyone wants to make one..." The effects of making too many were publicized thanks to Voldemort's entire existence. Though, now that he was in a better mood, various thoughts about Lien was racing back to him. Agh! How distracting!

"Think there's anythin' in 'ere I'd find interestin'? Or somethin' ye wish was more known?"

He never asked as many questions during classes outside of music.

@Lochlan Riddle

He held his gaze at James thoughtfully.

"You enjoy music, don't you?"

He ran his thumb along the line of his lip, thinking.

"Did you know that music can be used in a magical sense?" A smile crossed his face from ear to ear. "There is the legend of the piper of Hamelin, who was able to control others' minds using the music of his pipe. Try reading such things as Nocturne of Night and those volumes surrounding it: you will get a sense of what I mean, and how music can be used in such a way."

He smiled at him.

"There are some who are born with a gift of it, and I believe such a gift exists in the Chang family. I believe you are familiar with one of them - Lien."

@James Potter

James nodded intrigued. There were magical applications for music? "Aye, Reed's class is focused more on actual music playin'. Prolly 'cause of all the instruments and bein' from the muggle world." Still, he was grateful to finally have a professor who knew what he was talking about that was actually into music.

"Huh, didn't know that. Gonna have to write that down..." At least the forest book was easy to remember with the whole having to wear gloves deal. He'd have to figure out where in his bag those were.

Lien's family has a gift for music? His eyebrow rose at the mention of him.

"I knew his family liked music, y'know. He told me. Er, before all o' 'at happened, I was tryin' to show him how to play the piano. He beats himself up a lot, sorta saddenin', yeah." When it came to talking about Lien, he struggled talking about him. Part of it was how fresh the drama was while another part of it was him wanting to savor the moments they spent together in close proximity. "Piano wasn't his thing, so I, uh, got 'im a flute, aye? Felt like I was fuckin' on top o' the world when a smile came upon his face when he got a note outta it. No drug can compare to it..."

He was rambling at that point.

@Lochlan Riddle

Riddle stroked his goatee absent-mindedly, while watching James speak.

"Hmm. It sounds like more of an infatuation. You really do care for Chang, don't you?"

It was something very personal to James, he appreciated that, and Lochlan wouldn't have brought it up if he hadn't mentioned his feelings. While he didn't have any intention of match making, and the thought itself was rather laughable, he wanted James to feel as though his feelings were completely normal.

"I had always encouraged my children to feel compassion for others as much as they possibly could, and to never be afraid of it," he said, "Because it has quite an extraordinary power, when you know how to utilise it. Use your feelings as your power, and you're unstoppable."

@James Potter

An infatuation? It might as well be with how crazy he felt driven just thinking about Lien.

"Aye, I do. It's sorta funny 'cause we used to hate each other, y'know? Somethin' changed, and I ended up really likin' him. Not real sure why, y'know? Just sorta happened..." James snapped his fingers. "Just like 'at!"

That definitely explains the difference between him and Voldemort. How would Harry feel if he knew about this conversation? Something about it made him feel cool and rebellious. Who would've thought he'd more interested in learning other applications of magic than his Ravenclaw relatives? Victoire was too content with her shrooms...

"I tried hidin' how I really felt, and it was sorta, eh, detrimental?"

Sorta was downplaying it.

@Lochlan Riddle

He smiled and nodded kindly at the boy who was opening up to him. There must have been some bond of trust already forming between them, as what Lochlan could gather, James had been very private about his feelings on this matter.

"The changeability of hate to love, or vice versa, has always been something fascinating to me."

Riddle nodded in approval.

"Your handling of the situation was purely what you felt was right for you at the time," he said, standing up. "Does that mean you are ready to re-join Gryffindor quarters?"

@James Potter