stinkin thinkin ((one-shot))

It was just half past noon; the ticking of the clock boomed through his eardrums.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Per usual, the session with the mind healer had come to a stalemate. James couldn't help it really; although both his mum and the mind healer explained that anything uttered would remain confidential, it was like he lost his voice. He'd open his mouth, and nothing would come out. it wasn't because of a jinx or anything of that sort; he didn't know where or how to begin.

Since his first appointment to build trust, the mind healer had struggled to figure out the root of James' issues. It wasn't as if she never dealt with quieter patients. She never expected him to be so cagey. With the way he'd been portrayed, a part of her assumed he'd be quick to open up.

Finally, she broke the ice. "Is there anything bothering you as of late?" At least it was likelier he'd answer. If she went deeper like with previous questions, he only became more resistant to answering them.

James lounged on the chaise, staring at his wrist as he envisioned having a snake wrapping itself around it. Leto was a great owl, but he was wanting another animal companion, one that he could more readily communicate with. Who knows? Maybe the snake would be a comedic type. The idea of snake comedians was interesting to him; with how much Lien knew, James was going to have to inquire for his knowledge on snake companions.

"Eh hem." The mind healer then cleared her throat in an attempt to grab his attention. "James?"

Looking towards her, James crossed his arms lightly tugging the sleeve of his jumper. "Er, what?"

"What can I do so you'll actually talk to me?" She tapped the clipboard lightly with the side of her quill,

"I dunno."

Sighing, she glanced down at tbe notes she jotted down during their first couple of sessions: slight paranoia, history of substance use, history of melancholia, history of anger problems. "Very well, why don't you tell me about your day?"

"Been mid, I guess." It would've been better if he could just fast forward to when he'd be settled down in a nice house with his bloke and kid, just like in his more domestic daydreams. To him, that scenario didn’t feel like a question. If only time could be manipulated without repercussions…

"Mid? In what way?"

"Just average, y'know? Doing courses to get my apparition license, preparing for the kid, stuff like that." The stuff he'd been doing much of the time since dropping out. Well, that was what he was doing when he wasn't lying around indulging. Stretching, he glanced at the clock above the door; how much longer until the appointment ended? He’d rather be looking at houses, but James didn’t want this to be a waste of time for his mum. These mind healer appointments did mean a lot to her…

“James, if you tell me what’s been stressing you out, I can help you figure out ways to cope with them sufficiently. By knowing how to combat your stressors, you’ll be able to deal with anything that comes your way.” She did want to help him, but she just needed to find out what’s running through his mind without resorting to invasive methods. The practice of mind healing was ethical, she felt.

Chewing his lip, he kept his eyes darted towards the clock observing the slight movement of the minute hand.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

”There was the bloody shoe incident…”

The mind healer raised an eyebrow. “Go on, what happened?” That was a good start.

”I was sitting ‘round in Diagon Alley, er, not too long ago. Er, I ended up being in the same spot as the cunt and her ratdog.” Still avoiding direct eye contact, his focus moved towards one of the runic posters on the wall trying to discern its meaning; James wanted to learn a bit about it so he could understand some of the things Lien talked about more. ”Er, they were snogging and shit like that, aye? The cunt bloody got on my bloke and I for it earlier, so I threw a fizzing whizbee at them ‘cause she’s a bitch with her own pet. ‘Cause I still wasn’t legal then, I couldn’t bloody defend myself, so they froze me but left me conscious, ‘cause they wanted to fucking torture me. Bloody bastards.” He began reaching into one of his trouser pockets to pull out a pack of smokes only for it to be forcibly taken away the moment it was exposed.

“You shouldn’t have brought those into the hospital.” Shaking the pack, she placed it in a case that would unlock at the end of the session. “Continue.”

Ugh. Now he was going to have to delay that immediate form of stress relief. ”Er, right, er, so I’m bloody stiff. Not that kinda stiff, and cunt’s ratdog puts his bloody shoe in my mouth! I got nothing against feet, y’know? But I don’t want his in my bloody mouth! I dunno where his arse has been! Bloody disgusting git…”

“So he put his shoe in your mouth?”

”Didn’t bloody say otherwise! Anyway, my cuz, Vic, came in and tried to help, aye, but she ain’t that sharp ‘cause of the shrooms, so she punched the cunt instead of undoing the spell on me. Ratdog ended up hexing her. Narks ended up telling his dad ‘bout it and he undid it. No charges were bloody filed despite cunt threatening to kill both Vic and I. Bloody psychos!”

“I can see how that’d be a big source of stress right now…”

Rubbing his eyes, he couldn’t wait for the appointment to end; it felt as if it was going too slowly. Why did his mum have him go again? Didn’t Louis say something about the Yankees being ahead in this area of medicine? ”Er, yeah… Most worried ‘bout my bloke though ‘cause he still gotta go to Hogwarts with them. I don’t want them to even think ‘bout laying their hands or pulling a wand out on him…”

“I see you care a lot about him.”

”Of bloody course I do!” These mind healers were definitely wonderful.

"We have 15 minutes left, so let's make the most of this. When you have an outburst, do you have an understanding of why it's so explosive?"

Shrugging, James shifted uncomfortably. Why did he need to tell her? She might be getting paid to understand, but it didn't mean she actually would. "I dunno, genetics? My grandmum was said to be fiery. Just sorta how I've been once pushed 'round enough…" Sometimes he wished he would allow the fire to spread, to burn, especially when it came to Alayna and Ptolemy. He should've shown them why they should never mess with him and his bloke. Would he have done so if it wasn't for impending fatherhood and falling in love? He actually had things to lose now.

It wasn't like he necessarily thought before doing anything when he made himself feel like an euphoric, low-effort pranking zombie; how else could he escape and barely uphold Britain's expectations of him? "Er, I haven't been thinking as negatively…"

“Do you deal with stinking thinking a lot?”

”What the bloody hell is ‘stinkin’ thinkin’?” Merlin, this was what he was taking a whole chunk out of his day for? He was going to have to look into the mind healing services across the pond at this rate with the help of both Lien and Louis; his bloke would have the knowledge and his cousin the personal experience. What better way to get a full picture?

“Negative thoughts, looking down on yourself frequently, everything of that sort.”

Glancing up at the clock one last time, he moved his legs off of the chaise ready to leave. He should give it more time for mum, but this arrangement wasn’t working. James felt as if he’d never be able to express himself with this mind healer in particular, and he wasn’t going to play roulette trying to find the right one within St. Mungo’s; he’d feel so much better about this if nobody there knew about his entire life story. He pulled out his wand to disable the case and grabbed his smokes then he left the room.

There was a tense silence that surrounded the mind healer. She was going to have to talk to Ginny about this.