cosy corner (James)

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Atticus hadn't spoken with Alayna properly since a few nights ago when the dance had been held. He didn't know what to say to her at the moment. What she did was cruel, and he couldn't find it within himself at the moment to talk properly with her.

When he was feeling frustrated, he usually went to the kitchens and experimented about a bit with flavour combinations. He had been there for the past hour, with something bubbling away on the stove.

@James Potter

It felt nice to have someone be nurturing to him in a manner he found more preferable; his siblings were more aggressive about it, which he wasn't a huge fan of, especially now that he had time to let his anger dissipate. He just felt melancholic that he had to announce something personal before his schoolmates got a hold of it. This was so... He didn't know how to describe it. In hindsight, if he was even just a bit more honest to himself, he would've at least played the bicurious card. It would've made everything less explosive and painful.

Hogwarts was exhausting.

"Yeah, these'll be good," he stated before beginning to inhale the contents of the basket. That should satisfy some of the cravings. "Thanks."

@Atticus Nott

"It's no trouble. You have to keep your strength up, especially for the match. I'm really looking forward to seeing you play again, by the way."

He'd almost forgotten that the reason for that dance was because of the upcoming quidditch match. Although he was disappointed not to be playing himself, he was looking forward to watching it.

"Do you need some encouragement?" he asked, with a very straight face. Picking up one of the muffins, he broke a piece off and presented it to him. "Come on, we don't want you wasting away..."

There was no way this was just innocent encouragement. He was looking at James's lips expectantly.

@James Potter

"Thanks. Whole school prolly thinks I'm not gonna show up 'cause of my, er, hermit stuff," James laughed trying to not eat too quickly to the point of gagging; that happened sometimes when the munchies were hitting hard. With how his habits in general hadn't been the greatest lately, anything could've tasted like a five course meal. He couldn't help a sugar craving! As he ate feeling quite the surge from the encouragement, he added, "Dunno the fuck I'm gonna do to deal with those cheerleaders. Got Evelyn's sis and... On the squad. Bit fuckin' distractin', y'know? Sorta expectin' them to cuss me out mid-cheer."

Looking up at Atticus, he smirked and bit the bit of muffin straight from his hand. "Tryin' to make me feel like Dionysus or somethin'?"

If his siblings took more of this approach than try to exact revenge and annoy him as he processed things, he might've been a bit more willing to venture out.

@Atticus Nott

"You want me to feed you grapes?"

That sounded kind of erotic, actually. Why was this becoming so intimate? His pulse quickened a little and he tried, with all his might, not to lick the crumbs off his fingers in front of James like some sensual seductress...

What was he thinking?!

Quidditch. Ah yes, Quidditch. The best subject to go back to when you're feeling... on edge.

"If they say anything like that during their cheer then I expect Voclain will be having a word with them. You'll be too engrossed in the game to bother listening to them anyway. I don't even know why they have cheerleaders."

@James Potter

Although he felt confused at finding the idea hot, James quickly felt a hit of relief at the change of topic. Last thing he wanted to do was excessively think about the whole being gay thing.

"Voclain's not really what ye consider an effective headmistress," he said grabbing another muffin. At least the food would keep him decently nourished. "Bit worried that I'm gonna have to take somethin' to tune 'em out." That was ome of the biggest reasons he immediately became Hogwarts' resident recluse; he didn't want to hear about anything.

"How the fuck am I gonna get sober for the sprog in this state? Can't fuckin' show my face in this state!"

@Atticus Nott

"Well that's not going to accomplish anything, is it? You'll end up flying poorly, being responsible for messing up the match, and give people a lot more reason to be against you. As it stands, James, the majority of people are supportive of you anyway. They sympathise. You need to stop jumping the gun and believing everyone is against you. As I said before, it will all fizzle out before long anyway."

Atticus put his arm on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He realised he was feeling a lot of things right now, but he needed to realise that the drug taking for the sake of escapism could dig himself a deeper hole.

"Is there a reason Evelyn is having this baby? Surely she realises how young she is, how young both of you are? I would have thought she'd considered... alternatives." He knew that he wouldn't want to be a Dad at age seventeen, and James was younger than him.

@James Potter

Brushing hair out of his eyes, James sighed as he listened to Atticus' lecture. "Guess Ptolemy's words really got to me, y'know? Has me sittin' 'round askin' myself if I do destroy everythin' I touch." Ugh, what if he really did ruin one of his first, real friendships? Where would he go from there?

"I dunno. Had to coax the fact she's pregnant outta her. Wouldn't have known if it wasn't for the rumor mill..." He was still trying to wrap his head around it; was there still a chance that it was someone else's kid? After all, people would do anything to access that Potter money. "Sorta thinkin' it could be good for me, y'know? Get me a sense of responsibility, some sorta purpose. I've been meanderin' my whole life. Takes two to tango, gotta step up..."

@Atticus Nott

"I don't know what Ptolemy told you, but making you question yourself is exactly what he does. He thrives off it."

Urgh. Ptolemy really was a snake. He only put up with him because of Alayna.

"It's one way of looking at it," he said, as James said about stepping up as a Father. "Then again how many people our age have a sense of direction or have actual responsibilities..." He just wanted to enjoy himself as much as possible when he was at school. There were a lot of restrictions at home that never allowed him to be his authentic self. Even now he felt trapped, and that he was holding himself back.

"Just take it day by day. You're just putting pressure on yourself that you don't need right now."

@James Potter

"He was why I left the y'know. I was just standin' there with a cup of punch watchin' some classmates playin' skittles when he came up to me. He threatened me over somethin' I said outta anger..." James was certain he still had an indent the shape of his nail on his wrist; he hadn't given it too much of a look as it'd just remind him of the entire night. "Even messaged Evelyn too sayin' that I'm sorry for leavin' her 'ere, but I couldn't stay when I didn't feel welcome. Didn't wanna go to it in the first fuckin' place!"

Then it hit him as he revisited that conversation. "I think he mighta played a role in outin' me. Shoulda known when he immediately jumped to her defense after, uh..."

Now he was wanting a cigarette. He wasn't going to smoke one in the kitchens, though. That was one of the last kinds of smoke they needed.

"Guess that's true. I'm prolly gonna drop out once the kid's born. Been readin' books from the library, and I wanna be there for its most important moments, y'know?"

@Atticus Nott

"It's possible. He's always doing Alayna's dirty work."

He didn't want to talk about his sister like this, but he couldn't help it. What she did was terrible, and completely beyond anything he expected of her.

"You're going to leave school?"

Atticus sat up slightly, blinking at him in surprise.

@James Potter

That made sense, especially since he noticed how touchy the two got during classes. James still had a hard time believing her supposed virginity status. Maybe broads would play up that stuff like blokes do.

"Er, yeah..." James shifted slightly. "Findin' this school exhaustin', and I can't just let my 'rents and whatnot do most o' the childrearin'..."

If anything, the prospects of having a child only increased his likelihood of dropping out than motivate him to stay in school.

"Can just work on gettin' my equivalent diploma."

@Atticus Nott

"So you're going to be a gay Dad... and a loser."

Well, he seemed quite certain on going down that route. It just seemed like such a waste, to throw his entire life and youth away because of a kid. Then again, Atticus never imagined himself having children.

"No one should expect you to drop out though."

@James Potter

"Am I really much of a loser for wantin' to actually be in my kid's life? Can't fuckin' win 'round 'ere..."

James glanced down at the remainder of the muffins; was he really going to be that bad of a father by wanting to prioritize its well-being once out the womb?

"They don't. Just somethin' I think would help give the kid the best life I can. Gonna be able to have access to part of my inheritance in a few months. I'm gonna give the kid the privacy I never got."

@Atticus Nott

"You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

It was a complete one-eighty turn from the James he'd witnessed... one week beforehand. He couldn't help but feel the 'stepping up as a Father' thing was just some elaborate way of running from problems. Others had been cruel to him, he felt he couldn't cope, so he was going to flee from that problem under the guise of being a good Father.

"Well... it seems like there isn't a lot I can say to change your mind. Plus we don't really know each other well enough, so coming from me it's probably not going to mean an awful lot."

He sighed.

"You just want someone to nod and agree that it's a good idea. So..."

He nodded vigorously.

"Great idea, mate."

@James Potter

Why did he always have to justify some of the decisions he makes? James wanted to prove he wasn't going to be a deadbeat, yet apparently it's not enough?! If it was Louis saying this stuff, nobody would question it. What was the deal?

"Of course, I'm fuckin' serious. Nobody fuckin' believes I'm capable of bein' serious. Don't fuckin' get it!"

How else could he distract himself from everything surrounding Lien?

@Atticus Nott

"Calm down," he said gently.

He stood up and took James's bowl, clearing away the remainder and being extra scrupulous about the scouring charm he'd put on it. If there was even a slight smudge left on it...

He also cleared away some of the crumbs that were on the work surface around James. He also took one of his hair that seemed to have got there. How the hell? The silence between them was probably good. It just cleared away any tension that had built up.

"Do you want to come for a work out with me later on?"

Might help his frustration, he thought.

@James Potter

"Sorry."

Since the dance, he was consistently on edge. James was at a point where he hated being questioned about virtually everything to do with his life. Why can't he have some control for once?

"I guess.."

It got a bit humid trying to exercise under the invisibility cloak when there wasn't a class in the gym.

@Atticus Nott